Spoiler alert… The Bad is bad and The Plan will probably change. The Good is bigger and tougher than The Bad and harbours far fewer monkeys.

The Bad

Let’s get this out of the way first. Everyday symptoms of prostate cancer and its treatment are a drag: Fatigue, discomfort, the urge to go to the loo, rogue drips, hot flushes (20+ times every day), lack of sleep, etc. And that’s before the chemo starts.

It’s hard to accept that I don’t have a long and healthy life in front of me. I’m not going to get to become the grumpy and wizened old man that I’ve long aspired to becoming. I’m not going to enjoy a long retirement, to own a dog, nor to walk along deserted beaches with Sam during our sunset years. I’m not going to see my nephew grow up, nor my friends grow old. This hurts.

The Plan

I’ve lived for most of my life with what I describe as a gritty realism (a sarcastic pessimism may be more accurate). I don’t intend to change, although I now have no time for any negativity. Every day must count.

The over-arching medical plan remains the same. I continue to take the hormone suppressants (that I loathe more with every passing day), we begin chemotherapy on 21st September and radiotherapy early next year. To give myself the best chance I have removed almost all sugar from my diet* and I have been engaging in loads of exercise. Luckily, I enjoy exercising so this is no big chore at the moment.

I don’t really know what happens after the rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy have finished. I’m imagining that I’ll be fairly ground-down by it all, so will throw myself into getting fit and strong again. There’s a lot I want to do yet.

*The evidence isn’t rock-solid on this, but does seem to be gathering some momentum.

The Good

It’s all good man!

The last few weeks have flown by. It’s been a mixture of medical stuff, getting the exercise room ready, jobs around the house, seeing family and friends, and riding the bikes. Lots.

Just before my GP revealed the bad news just 10 week’s ago, I discovered that he was a keen triathlete (iron man distance). I guess you have to be keen to even consider one of those; or really not keen about yourself. Anyway, that was good news: it meant that he would understand that when I talk about exercise or riding my bike, that I’m not talking about a potter around the park. I’m talking about riding until “the snow turns black”. He was more than happy to morph from his GP role into personal trainer role. He advised me to ride the bike, and then to ride some more. To train hard but to “taper before the chemo… treat the chemo like your biggest event ever”. This advice was echoed by Dr. John… “Keep on that bike!” That’ll do me.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of DIY. I’m freeing up space in the spare downstairs room to become a dedicted exercise area. It will have an indoor cycle trainer with 40″ TV screen and cooling fans, a sound system and some inspirational stuff. My plan is that this will be my cave during the darker days; a place to keep my cardio fitness up, to maintain some strength and a place to complete a yoga session or to chill out. To free up the 40″ TV and sound system meant investing in a new TV and soundbar for the lounge. Win, win 🙂

I’ve also started to do some work with Christine: our local physiotherapist, Pilates instructor and pain guru. We have discovered just how inflexible my back is and have begun to take steps to correct this. I’m hoping that working with Christine will become a focal point during the darker days.

I’ve enjoyed visits from old friends: I’ve been lending technical assistance to a well-published author (Oh yes), whilst Benj and I have been scheming to get matching tattoos. However, it doesn’t seem right that his mother is encouraging this… sucks all the rebellion out of it!

Apart from that, I’ve mostly been riding my pushbikes. Many years ago I’d aspired to taking part in some properly long distance cycle events. I abandoned those aspirations as my knees began to fail me. Well, my knees don’t have to last so long now… so they’re having it. I hope to take part in some longer races next year (plenty of time to train see), so I’ve been getting a bit of practise in now. This has included a few 2-dayer bikepacking trips and a 100-mile ride to visit Sam’s family. I’d not ridden 100 miles for many years; it felt quite an achievement even if my knees, arse, back, neck and wrists hurt for several days after. Type 2 fun innit. I have a 100km event on Sunday (The Hell of the North Cotswolds) and then Pete and I are riding the Pennine Bridleway later next week.

And I continue to love where I live. Most of my pictures are taken during local cycle rides. The Dark Peak is a stunning part of the world.

Ride on 🙂